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Olena Roshchupkina

My life was not special. As a child during communism, I could hear about God in an orthodox church. One elderly Christian lady, a friend of my family, spent time in our home often and told me about God. But I was not serious about God because people said that God did not exist.

I received a silver medal after finishing school. I studied at the polytechnic institute but did not have an opportunity to finish my education. I got married at the age of 20 and had a daughter. Our marriage lasted for only 6 years. My husband was an alcoholic. I thought that divorce would solve all of my problems, but that did not happen in reality. In fact, it was the beginning of my problems.

The freedom I received turned out for bad for me. I was lonely. My brother became a drug addict. It was very hard for me. I had heard many things about drug addicts’ live and it did not give me hope for a good life for my brother. I tried not to talk to his friends. Later, getting closer to them, I understood that they are poor people who needed help. A great desire rooted in my heart to save them from this evil, but they did not want to receive help.

The time came when I tried drugs. I did not receive any pleasure from it. In time of deep depression and despair I came to “the thing which relieved pain.” That was a step into an abyss. I could not get out of there for 12 years.

I became a bad mother. DRUGs were a big wall between us. It became stronger than my mother’s love. It did not mean that I refused her. No, she was close to me, but I did not bring her up. I lived in my world. I just had one big desire for my daughter: I did not want her to become like me. Now I understand that it is impossible for a child to live in it, to see it every day and not to use it.

I tried to find a way out. I received treatment at a hospital for drug addicts. But the treatment lasted only for 1 month. When I was diagnosed with hepatitis, I had a desire to become free. I took my daughter and left my house, which was a home for drug addicts. I did not find another place to live so I came back. I went to Kyiv and tried to find freedom, but it did not help. I became acquainted with the Christian relatives of one drug addict and began to visit church services. I even repented. I only wanted to have freedom from drugs and did not want to quit all the other sins in my life. I did not want to allow God to reign in my life. I thought it was only me who controls my life. Christians prayed for me. I do believe that those seeds grew, though later on in my life. At that point of time I came back to my old life: DRUGs.

Because of drug consumption I was held accountable before the law. After 3 months in jail, I was granted amnesty. I thought I had quit a life with drugs, but it was not the end. It was just a short 1 year break when my daughter was convicted of a theft. It was a tragedy for me. It was a reason for me to look for freedom in drugs again to numb my pain. I could not stop using drugs.

My life was like a nightmare. I was put in prison for the second time. Right before this I was informed that my daughter was a drug addict. That was the worst, something I did not want to have happen in my life. My life in prison was without drugs, but full of pain for myself and pain for my daughter. I felt guilty because it was me who showed her the way to sin. I did not have a desire to be on drugs in prison. Sin only caused disgust. I had only one desire – to come back home sooner. At night, when everybody was sleeping, I asked God to keep my daughter alive. I had anxiety in my heart and not in vain.

After discharge, I came back home and was informed that my daughter died in a car accident. I did not know how to react. I did not want to believe it. In Lutsk, I was looking for people who could say whether my daughter was alive. When I came back home, the doors were open and no light were on. I entered the room and saw Anya in it. She was in a plaster cast. My first words were, “Thank you, God! She is alive!”

I understand that it was God who took care of my daughter. She broke both legs. She was sent home from the hospital and there was no one to take care of her. She had no food, nothing; only the One Who sees everything and is more powerful than people. He is a loving One and a caring Father. The first woman to come to Anya was Tanya Vereshchak. I knew her because of drugs. God gave her freedom from drugs. Men from the rehabilitation at Fimiam Church brought her food. I was impressed with such care. They told me about their life with God and without drugs and invited me to a church service. I was impressed by the love of these strangers to me. I had the opportunity to know God, Who could give me much more. After a little time, I repented of everything that was crucifying Him on the cross. I know that the Lord is rich in His grace. He listened to me. He received me the way I was and forgave my past.

When I look back I understand that the awful abyss I was in was my real life. Now I see how much God gave me. When I wake up, I have a desire to be in His presence. Only He opened my eyes, showed me light and gave the peace I did not have. I rejoice over my spiritual family where I feel warmth and care. I thank my Savor for my life. I praise Him in spite of all the problems from my previous life. Problems still exist, but my attitude has changed. I trust God and He solves everything for me. I feel God’s care and love. His hand supports me in difficult times. God is always with me. People around wonder how such changes can be in someone’s life. It is only because of God’s grace. I thank God that I can serve Him!

I thank God that I can serve people who have the same problems I had in my past life. When I see the eyes of a drug addict, full of despair and pain, or a mother’s eyes, full of sorrow and pain, I understand that I need to help them. I can do it only under God’s leadership, by praying for these people and by having God’s love, gentleness, kindness and patience in me.

“I was dead. God came and gave me new life.”


 

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